#batman jokes

[violent138]

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Wait a second.

Dead parents

Millions of dollars,

A care taker with a badass backstory

A secret lair is located under the mansion

Have an animal theme hero costume.

Adrien can now officially become Batman.

[itsagentromanoff]

Tony: Banner and Wong go do the wizard thing. I'll stay behind and putter around the bat cave with crusty old Alfred here.

Strange: Ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had a job.

[names-hard]

"Batman takes everything 100% seriously 100% of the time."

STFU! Batman is not only one of the world's best hand to hand fighters, he's also one of the smartest people in the world, and he knows it.

Batman knows that he can take down most threats without trouble so he rarely takes things seriously; the only reason he doesn't quip like Spider-man is because he has terrible comedic timing.

[frogaroundandfindout]

Bruce gets knocked over the head with a lead pipe and without even looking at eachother dick and Tim start circling around him making tweeting noises

Meanwhile bruce wishes the hit actually knocked him out so he didn’t have to witness his kids acting like this

[robinhuntr]

“Cass is the perfect fighter and she is always 100% serious in any of her fights. Shes not the hero to be thinking of jokes in a fight”

Cass:

[jacocoon]

joker waiting for his batsy

[everwalldigan]

Pre utrh Jason opening up a little bookshop as a side hustle to his Crime Lord business (only to do evil of course, like making little book stands to promote his favourite books) and one day Bruce walks by, sees all of Jason’s favourite books on display in the window and decides to walk in (because he’s a masochistic fuck like that.)

Jason, without looking up: judging by you just standing there, I assume you don’t know your way around. Be right with y—

Bruce, sharply scanning Jason’s rapidly paling face while trying to look casual: oh no don’t worry! Take your time! What’s your name?

Jason, panicking: Tason Jodd

Bruce: that’s so funny, that sounds exactly like Jason Todd…

Jason: no it doesn’t

Bruce: It’s literally Jason Todd with the first letters swapped

Jason, sweating: no it’s not.

Bruce:

Jason:

Bruce, grabbing Jason’s arm: you’re coming with me

[fanaticalthings]

important family group chat discussions

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[bet-on-me-13]

The cult of...Danny Fenton?

So! Way back when Danny first moved into his new neighborhood in Gotham, he had some trouble controlling his Powers. The different Types and Levels of Ectoplasm in the air when compared to Amity had thrown off his control.

He was used to being in places where his Ectoplasm meshed well with the Atmosphere, like a Water Balloon in a Pool, but in Gotham that analogy would be closer to a Water Balloon in the sewers. It was too different from what he was used to to fully control his Powers.

So it's understandable that he messed up a few times and his neighbors found out about his Abilities.

They took it well at first, Danny wasn't going to go Rogues or anything, and he never used them maliciously, but eventually they got curious.

They asked what his limits were, how he got them in the first place, and what the hell the Ghost Zone was. The answers "None Really", "I died and was reborn", and "A Collective of every Afterlife at once" did spark some interesting reactions from them.

Most importantly, a few of them joked about him being an Eldritch God that they needed to worship. He was good enough friends with them that at that point they felt comfortable pranking eachother, so they did just that.

Danny woke up one day on his birthday, and saw all of his friends and neighbors surrounding the makeshift Throne they had made and put him on while he was asleep. The entire day they chanted stuff like "The Great One requires Ms. Smiths Apple Pie for his day of birth!" And "The Great One Wishes for us to sing the Ritual Song! Happy Birthday to You! Happy Birth-"

After his birthday, they kept up the joke.

It didn't help that his powers had evolved Again! And now he could bestow abilities onto his friends. The jokes they made about their God granting them Supernatural Powers to rule the world with were insufferable.

Then, one day while he was just resting at home, watching a movie on his TV, he felt a Pull at his Core. The same kind of Pull whenever he was being summoned. But why would they summon hi- Oh Shit! It's Mr Jenkins Party today! He was supposed to meet them at the Warehouse they used for special events an Hour Ago!

He quickly accepted the Summoning, but was met with a suprising sight. His Neighbors all tied up in a pile to his right, a spilled table of party food to his left, and right in front of him, Batman and his Family watching him with wary eyes.

Slowly, he opened his mouth. "...so, did you come for the party or..."

[bruciemilf]

Bruce being so smiley and happy around Robin! Jason shatters me so intimately. Soft as hell if this continues when Jason’s red hood, too.

“Robin,” Bruce calls him that out of habit and isn’t at all surprised when Jason swiftly punches his arm, only to rub the place a moment later, even if Bruce barely notices. “This is not the time for jokes.”

“ Three o’clock is always the time for jokes. You scheduled it.”

“Nightwing was turned into a rabbit. And you’re laughing.”

“Have you seen the guy’s Tik Toks? This is as dignified as he’ll ever be.”

Jason is very sure Dick can understand them, because he’s biting hard through his boots. Even harder when Bruce snorts and presses his lips in a white line.

Don’t get me wrong, thought, it’s vice versa.

“I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy, B.” Talking about a guy who cut the line in Batburger while Cass was trying to order.

Bruce, in his Batman voice, “fuck!”

Jason has one of those laughing fits where you get on the floor, breathless and limp. “This brings up memories.”

“ROBIN.”

[tiger-grace]

Tim: momma ain’t raise a quitter

Jason: well, actually, momma ain’t raise nobody

Tim: …

[squishykitty825]

Dick: What gets covered in dirt but somehow always stays clean?

Jason: A body in a coffin

Dick: …

Jason: …

Dick: Soap. It was soap.

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

it's a wonderful life

[zealouswitchwerewolf]

Has anyone seen/written any fics where Danny is so used to being an overpowered menace that danger doesn't even register the same for him anymore. Like he's gone against the likes of undergrowth and vortex, he's obviously not going to be intimidated by a middle aged man with sweaty hands pointing a gun at him.

It's all fine until he leaves Amity and starts being put in mildly dangerous situations that don't bother him at all but everyone around him looks super freaked out? And it can range from like being mugged or one of the DC superheroes facing one of their supervillains while all the civilians run away and Danny just keeps going full on ignoring cause not his circus, not his monkeys, but still.

And then he realizes that his reaction is abnormal and people are starting to stare and he doesn't need the extra attention on him but knows he can't act for shit so he just goes for the most deadpan sarcasm he can muster and goes all "oh, nooooo. This is so bad. I am SO scared." And it just makes the stares worse but by then he's committed to the bit and will throw gradually more concerning stuff about his past in conversations with the most dead expression just to see how far he can take it until someone confronts him about it.

[daydreamerwonderkid]

I'm not gonna stop clowning on DC until they stop clowning on us